I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
