Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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