I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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