Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
