Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Terrible idea I love it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
