I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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