I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
