Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
