I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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