she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
