dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
