Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
