you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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