a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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