I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
