i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
