I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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