Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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