it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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