I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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