i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
