she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
