sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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