If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They have beer where we have blood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
