you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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