OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
