We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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