I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
