actually, I'm a sock model
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
