and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
