guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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