I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
