those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
