If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
