That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
