I accidentally had phone sex last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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