Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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