I'm drive I can fine osifer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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