A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
