He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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