Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
