yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
