They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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