Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
