so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
