He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
