So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
