i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
