Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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