I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
