her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
