your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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