singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
