I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
