we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
