I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
