i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
