he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
