I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
