Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
