By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
