Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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