so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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