i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
