Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
