Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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