my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
