If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
