how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
