also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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