Quick, to the slutcave!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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