did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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