Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize