good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
