it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
