she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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