I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
