I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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